4 Signs of Emotional Intelligence In Children

Published Jul 13, 2017

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Updated Dec 17, 2024

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Est. reading time: 4 minutes

Key points

  • Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to a person's ability to manage their emotions and empathize with others.
  • Indicators of EQ in children include expressiveness, open-mindedness, good listening skills, and the ability to pause and reflect.
  • EQ can be nurtured in children by discussing emotions, encouraging empathy, modeling active listening, and praising self-control.
  • Unlike IQ, EQ can be improved at any age and can better prepare children for various life situations.
  • Active listening and self-control are key aspects of emotional intelligence. Parents can model these behaviors and provide positive feedback when children demonstrate these skills.
4 Signs of Emotional Intelligence In Children

1. They’re Expressive

The ability to feel (and then identify) emotions is the foundation of emotional intelligence. If your child is naturally expressive, they’re already part of the way there. They may be artistic, and enjoy drawing or writing about their life. Perhaps they have a knack for imitating facial expressions or are theatrical in how they move and speak. These are all signs that a child can either readily access their own feelings or tap into the feelings of others.

Parents and teachers are the primary sources when it comes to building a framework for understanding and managing these feelings. To do so, start talking to your children about how you experience your emotions in your day-to-day life. For instance, if someone cut you off in traffic, describe how it made you feel (likely: angry). Next, tell them how you handled the situation in a positive manner (perhaps deep breathing?). Kids watch their parents closely and pick up on healthy and unhealthy coping skills.

If your child isn’t the expressive type, help them build their emotional vocabulary. You can say things like “If a wave knocked over my sandcastle, I’d feel very upset. Does that sound right?” To encourage your child to open up even more, you may share how you felt in a similar situation.

2. They are Open-Minded

How your child responds to books, movies and shows can be a good indication of their level of open-mindedness. Are they able to explore why characters might be feeling a certain way and be compassionate towards them? Do they show curiosity about new perspectives?

Choose children’s books and movies that feature characters navigating difficult situations. Then talk to your kids about them. Spending time discussing the emotions of others is a great way to build empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence.

3. They’re Good Listeners

If your kid is the resident “problem solver” of their group of friends, it’s likely they have a high EQ. That’s because people usually only trust others with their problems if they’re confident they won’t be judged or dismissed. Emotionally intelligent kids are typically good and sympathetic listeners, known for helping their friends set things right.

How do you teach good listening? Again, modeling is key. You need to practice listening, or rather “active listening.” That doesn’t just mean putting your phone down when you’re talking to your kids. Active listening is also about improving mutual understanding. When your child is speaking, give feedback like “I can see that you are angry right now,” or “how did it make you feel when Sara did that?” Engaged, empathetic listening is an important social skill that will serve your child throughout adulthood.

4. They Pause

All children have blow ups at one time or another. But if more often than not, your kid tends to pause and reflect before responding, that’s a sign of emotional intelligence. Instead of just reacting to something, they’re processing their feelings before they express them.

To encourage this sort of pausing, applaud your child each time they remain in control (when they could have very well gone bananas). You could say “I liked the way you didn’t get angry when Madeline accidentally broke your Lego ship. You calmly showed her how to put it back together. That was a great way to deal with that. I’m impressed.”

Even if your child seems to be scoring high in the EQ arena, it’s still important to cultivate and support their emotional intelligence every day. There will always be new and challenging situations to confront, and they’ll need you to guide them through until they can stand on their own.

What has been your experience? We would love to hear any stories and tips you may have gathered along the way!

FAQs

What is emotional intelligence (EQ)?

EQ refers to a person's capacity to manage their emotions in a healthy way and empathize with others.

Can EQ be improved?

Yes, unlike IQ, EQ can be improved at any age with practice.

What are some signs of EQ in children?

Signs of EQ include expressiveness, open-mindedness, good listening skills, and the ability to pause and reflect before reacting.

How can I help nurture my child's EQ?

You can nurture your child's EQ by discussing emotions, encouraging empathy, modeling active listening, and praising self-control.

Is EQ important for a child's future success and happiness?

Yes, many experts believe that EQ is a predictor of future success and happiness.

How can books, movies and shows help in building a child's EQ?

Books, movies and shows featuring characters navigating difficult situations can be used as tools to discuss emotions and build empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence.

How can parents teach their children good listening skills?

Parents can teach good listening skills by modeling active listening. This involves giving feedback when the child is speaking, showing understanding and empathy, and encouraging the child to do the same.

What does it mean if a child tends to pause and reflect before responding?

If a child tends to pause and reflect before responding, it’s a sign of emotional intelligence. Instead of just reacting to something, they’re processing their feelings before they express them.

Dr. Rob Rohatsch, MD, is a Board-Certified Emergency Medicine physician and urgent care executive. He earned his MD from Jefferson Medical College, currently serves on multiple boards and is Solv’s Chief Medical Officer.

How we reviewed this article

Medically reviewed

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History

Solv’s team of medical writers and experts review and update our articles when new information becomes available.

  • July 13 2017

    Written by Solv Editorial Team

    Medically reviewed by: Dr. Rob Rohatsch, MD

Solv’s team of medical writers and experts review and update our articles when new information becomes available.

  • July 13 2017

    Written by Solv Editorial Team

    Medically reviewed by: Dr. Rob Rohatsch, MD

Topics in this article

WellnessFamiliesStressMental Health

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